10, July, 2009

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Memorial for Everyday-Pedophile Roundly Ignored New GM Underground Car Introduced, Banned
DOW
Obama Makes Photoshopped Tour of Africa
NASDAQ
Republican Senator James Inhofe Changes Party, Sex
S&P
Chastity Bono's Vagina to Host Going-Out-of-Business Sale

New Birth Control Pill Turns Women into Christian Fundamentalists
  Student Kills 47 at Military School, Voted Valedictorian
Film Movement, LLC 
 
    Angelina Jolie Takes A Poop        
    Poll: 50% of Country Still Gives a Shit about Abortion      
  Credit Card Companies Begin Breaking Legs, Thumbs  
Veteran Dies Protecting Buffet Ice Cream Machine from Fat Woman

A memorial for everyday-pedophile Sacapano, 52, failed to draw more than five people yesterday, an estimate that included possible employees of the AAA Best Mortuary where the event took place, according to a passerby. Trujillo's death, in addition to failing to attract a single celebrity or family member, also failed to preempt national news coverage of political uprisings in Iran and... (More)


ICE Raids Liberate Terrible New Jobs, Homes for Americans

Opinion
I Find Porn Disgusting And Immoral - Two Seconds After I Come - By: Shaun Roundtree - Call me a prude, but I’ve got to say that the porn that’s going around these days is pretty fucking disgusting. In fact, yes, I think I’ll even go so far as to hoist myself atop my high horse to proclaim it IMMORAL... (More)
Recent News
Fuck Freedom - By: Joe Bonner - Today was a banner day for freedom in my world. At Rite-Aid I spent the $50 in my wallet on a carton of cigarettes instead of Rogaine shampoo, and when I got home I watched Blue Velvet on the IFC and smoked. No jackbooted man goose-stepping behind me forcibly infringed on my... (More)
Hundreds Line Up for Free Beatings    

Kill Yourself with Courtesy - Etiquette Tips for the Suicidal - By: Andrew Lott - Hey, how’s it going on your side of the mortal realm? If you’re anything like I was as a person, you can’t wait to tell the world to take your life and shove it and hit the ol’ dusty trail to the great beyond, but before you go putting that... (More)

July 4th: Nation Celebrates Victory Over Indians    


     
     
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